Fear

The past few nights, we have been working on a new bedtime routine for the girls.  I have always curled up in bed with them until they fell asleep, which sometimes could take a full hour.  Well now, we read a book, say our prayers, and then I tuck them into bed and leave.  Things went pretty well the first few nights, but about three nights ago, K started getting very upset when it was time for me to leave her.  She is TERRIFIED that our house is going to catch on fire.  In the past three nights, I have ranged from paranoid (is she having some sort of vision??) to consoling (It’s not going to catch on fire.  Mommy and Daddy will take care of you.) to just plain frustrated.

Last night, after we had exhausted the fact that there most likely would not be a fire in our house, but if there was, Mommy and Daddy would come get them, I had a vision.  I realized that nothing I said or did could take away her fear.  So I turned around, went back in, and our conversation went something like this:

Me:  Kyndall, do you know what we can do to help you not be so afraid?
Kyndall:  What?
Me:  We can pray and ask God to protect us and to calm your fears.
Kyndall:  And He’ll do it?
Me:  Absolutely.

Together, we talked to God and layed it all out there–her fears, her doubts, her needs.  And you know what?  No more tears. 

I have no doubt that I would walk through fire to get to my girls.  I would do everything humanly possible to protect them, but that’s just it.  I am only human.  Sometime during their lifetime, I am going to mess up.  I am going to fail them.  (I can only hope it’s with something less life-threatening than a house fire.) It doesn’t matter how hard I try, or how many precautions I take, I am not the one who is ultimately in control.  And that can be hard.  As a parent, I want my children to see me as SuperMom.  And I am, on some level.  But as SuperMom, it’s my job to teach them about a Super God.

A God who is all-powerful. 
A God who is perfect–He doesn’t make mistakes or mess up. 
A God in whom I can trust with my most precious little ones.  And they can trust with their fears, doubts, and needs.

And last night?  Well, that was the first lesson.  For me, as much as for Kyndall.